BLUNTNESS OF FEELINGS

It’s been ages since I felt emotion,
civil, like melancholy,
deep and sharp, like some remorse,
unyielding, like a premonition,
a flutter like anxiety,
constricting and stifling like sorrow.
It’s been ages since I felt emotion.

It’s been ages since I felt a fluctuation.
Something stinging and cutting, like pain,
some airy and bright joy.
I am in a quandary, but with one exception:
In my dreams I still experience fear,
intense, entire, as once in the past.
It’s been ages since I felt a fluctuation.

It’s been ages since I disconnected my “ego”
and turned outwards like love, 
Or, like sorrow, torn myself to pieces.
I applied these to me at one time
to overcome my egotism for a while,
to acquaint myself with new pathways.
But it’s been ages since I disconnected my “ego”.

Now entrenched, beyond emotion,
safe from any invader,
with a steady, firm notion of the world,
an unyielding premonition haunts me:
that in whatever is to happen or is happening
my self is not a participant, only an onlooker.
Now entrenched and beyond emotion.

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